I've been reflecting a bit on my experience of living in Japan recently, especially the difficulty of making close friendships. It's just another part of culture shock when I consider things like this. I'd known that in Japan there was always a big difference between 'tatemae' (expressed feelings) and 'honne' (true feelings), but I've really begun to feel it here.

Japan is a communal country and for the sake of 'harmony', people refrain from getting personal and just state what's expected of them- all the better to maintain the appearance that all Japanese people think alike. It's only with one's close friends that people express their true feelings. I think this is why I've found it so hard to meet Japanese people who I can talk with about anime and manga. If they are very interested in it, they will keep it to themselves unless with their very good friends (if they talked too much about it, they risk being labeled an otaku, which has very negative connotations here).

There's exceptions of course. Our friend Keiko is very frank and so are many of other people we've gotten to know. However, as gaijin who don't know the language well, it's typically only the more outgoing people who will be willing to strike up conversation with us. And even then you still have to work against the strict work ethic that most Japanese people have to endure, which means even if people are more willing to be open, you don't always have time to together with them. Also, some of the people we know who are more open are themselves "outsiders" within Japanese society. Steve met a woman through some of our friends whose a wonderful musician and who chooses to hang out with the homeless community in Osaka because she has issues with a lot of elements of Japanese culture. The homeless community is really close and doesn't conform to most of the standards that mainstream society impossess. This is why a lot of people chose to stay in the community, even if they have opportunities for housing.

Having such a large cultural barrier between me and the rest of the society is difficult, because I place a lot of stock in making deep connections with people and really getting to know who they are. I like getting personal. That's really hard here. For instance, it's difficult to get even opinions from the other teachers at my school when I discuss things with them. Currently we're doing a movie project in class (students memorize then perform dialogues from 'Before Sunrise') and some of the teachers I work with watched the movie and returned it to me without giving me any indication as to whether they loved it or hated it. Just a smile and 'here's the movie back'. Even small things like this- just a little opinion on a movie- are not freely given.

It's not that I consider this a "bad" trait, I just find it personally difficult. I'm sure living in any foreign country is challenging, but Japan in particular presents difficulties with getting to know people on more than a surface level. This is one of the reasons I'm looking forward to trying to live in Europe for a time after Japan. I'd like to stay in both Italy and Ireland for several months. (I know they'll have their own challenges, but at least it will be a change.) Living in Japan is unbelievably interesting and fascinating, but I think I will be fine with moving on in another year and a half. I think I enjoy studying and traveling Japan so much because it is so inexplicable in so many ways, but that same feeling can be isolating when you're living here on a day-to-day basis.